Friday, December 18, 2009

Kuwait Travels

So some have been asking about my recent travels to Kuwait, and seeing that this is the easiest forum to disperse that information, here goes.

For those of you that do not know, I am currently serving a one year rotation in Kuwait for a civilian contractor company. Essentially, I will send 90 days here, and then 30 days R&R, and then head back here until my year has been completed. If you can't follow that, please discontinue reading, as its only gonna get worse.(Seriously, some people have had trouble following it) Anyway, I was in Georgia for about a week, preparing to come over here. That week was filled with a lot of drinking, and impulse buying of supplies I would need while over here. I left Georgia on Fri afternoon for Washington D.C. From there, I hopped on a plain to Kuwait.

I'm gonna interrupt here and state that if United doesn't get their shit together in business class, I will probably never fly them again. Based on the length of the flight, my company authorizes me to take business class. My ticket to Kuwait was north of the 7K region, so obviously, I'm expecting a comfortable, relaxing flight. Boy was I dissapointed. For starters, if you are going to hang a sign in Chicago O'Hare Intl airport, that says that you have 180 degree lay flat seats on all international business trips, I suggest that you HAVE 180 DEGREE LAY FLAT SEATS ON INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS CLASS FLIGHTS!!!!! That way, everytime I walk through that airport, I don't have to point at the sign and say, "Bullshit." The food wasn't bad, but it wasn't anything to write home about either.

Back to the trip. I slept through the entire flight after the dinner meal, and when I woke up, was suprised to see that we were about a 1/2 hour from landing. I had just enough time to devour a turkey sandwich, which was pretty good, and prepare for landing. My kudos to the crew, that landing was amazing. However, since it was only 6, I was suprised to see that it was very dark outside. Got off the plane, got my visa, picked up baggage, and met up with sk8r boi(yes, there's a story, and no, I will probably never write about this one), who also works for the company. We grabbed some Starbucks and headed to the apartments.

I had previously been under the impression that him and I were going to share a 2 br, 2 bath apartment. However, on the drive, I found out that we actually have TWO 2 br apartments, and that I was in one, and he was in the other. The second bedroom would then be used for people coming in and out of country on their way into other destinations. I was forewarned that the maid(yes, thats right, I have a maid, who wants to fucking touch me) had 5 dogs that slept in the hallway. No biggie, dogs are ok in my book. So we get to the apartment, and he helps me carry my bags up in the elevator, and as soon as the door opens, we are greeted by 5 barking Pomeranians. Awesome. They bark... a lot! So he shows me which apt is mine, and I open the door to what can only be described as a condo disguised as an apt. This place is SWEET!!! I have a fully furnished living room, complete with tv, etc. A kitchen, a bathroom in the main area, and then two bedrooms, one of which has a master bath attached. Oh yeah, thats mine! Sk8r Boi leaves me to get settled in, and I start unpacking. I fire up the Mac and talk to the wifey for a little as i'm unpacking. Once i'm unpacked, I prepare to hit the sack so that I can be rested for tomorrow. So nighty night... right?

Yeah... about that..... not so much. I wake up at 2:30 to hear screaming going on outside my window. I am up on the 3rd floor, so I'm not that far from the ground, and I can only assume that either a war is breaking out outside my window, or there is a drunken brawl outside. I quickly remember that this is a dry country, so odds are, its just the terrorists trying to take over. Realizing that there is no way I can sleep like this, I go out and fire up the comp again. While I am doing so, the screaming and shouting is still going on, and I also hear noises outside my door. I know that Kuwait is supposed to be safe, but I figure it can't hurt to be safe, so I grab a knife in case anyone decides they want to bust in my door. Probably a little overkill, but it was also my first night, and I was freaking out. I talk to The Wife for a little bit, and what do you know, the FIRE ALARM starts going off. RIGHT OUTSIDE MY DOOR!!!!! I email(thats the only contact info I have) Sk8r Boi, and ask if thats the Fire Alarm i'm hearing. I get no response, so I go out to my balcony to see what is going on. Literally 20 feet from me is a ladder froma fire truck raising up to the bldg next to me. I start freaking out and decide that I should probably head downstairs. On the way down, I go to what I thought was Sk8r Boi's apt(I later found out I was at the wrong one) to let them know. No one answers the door, so I just head down stairs to see what the deal is. When I get downstairs, I find that there are about 20 people watching as smoke is literally pouring out of a window in the bldg next door, about 10 stories up. Seeing that there is no danger, I head back up to my room.

Just to recap, I had been in the country for about 10 hours, and my apartment complex was on fire. Yeah... this should be fun.....

Other then that first night, things have been pretty easy around here. I have a maid that does my laundry and dishes daily. Driving around here is an adventure because the drivers are crazy. Shopping over here is fun. Slightly more expensive, but not bad. All in all, its been fun(minus the not seeing family thing) and I am sure I will have some good stories as the year goes by. Stay tuned.....

- Bunny

Friday, December 11, 2009

A Different Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed 'round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.
The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts...
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."

"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers.
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam,
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile."

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
"I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother...

Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

God Bless the Men and Women serving overseas during these holidays. God Bless the families waiting at home for their return. And God Bless the people on the homefront who support our troops.

Monday, December 7, 2009

My DMZ Trip

(Guest posting, written by a friend of ours. B has coded him General Eikenberry.)

So I woke up this morning very much still intoxicated. I talked to Tex in the car and she gave me a farewell, have fun...kind of talking to. I can't remember everything that was discussed during that conversation verbatim...however, I do remember laughing a lot.

Anyways, I am now on a bus on my way to do some vicarious living because I am such a nice person. With that said, I am going to attempt a nap on the way to my destination...the "DMZ".

Wake up damnit...we are here.

Between countries, there are three security perimeters. The first one is an anti-tank well that runs from coast to coast. The second is a live mine field that runs from coast to coast. The third is a chain link fence with a guard every 100-200 meters. There are also rocks placed into the links of the fence. These are tamper devices, if the fence has been tampered with then a rock will fall and a passing guard will notice.

There are 126 white stakes to show the military border.

X number of years ago, the North Koreans wanted to add a third level to their freedom house to block the old one located just behind it. When this came about, North and South Koreans held many many meetings with engineers to ensure that the measurements for the freedom houses located on each side of the border were exactly the same height.

The military guy...whom we will call Soldier because that is what he is...keeps saying to not point or make gestures. Supposedly the North Koreans take offense to this and might start shooting or something and we don't want that...might break the camera. It got a bit annoying. The thing that was annoying wasn't that he kept saying it, but that he kept saying it because people don't effen' listen. Anyways, on each side of the border, the soldiers are present outside while the tours are going on. However, when the tours are not at the border, the ROK Army soldiers return inside of the freedom house. I am not 100% sure but it appears that the North Koreans keep bodies outside such as on the roof, all times. The soldier said that it was not necessary for us to do this because we have more than enough cameras at this location.

As for the tours, there are 7 English tours, 6 Japanese tours, and 6 Korean tours...every day!

Between the North and South Korean Freedom Houses, there are conference rooms. These rooms are centered and built on the border. When inside these conference rooms, representatives sit on their respective sides. Believe it or not, there is a line down the middle of the table, room, and building.

In 1984 a soldier made a dash to S. Korea through the small tower, which once stood where the freedom house now stands. This was followed by a 20 minute firefight. This firefight took place on the grassy area where the statue/monument stands...called the sunken gardens.

National Geographic has done many surveys of the area that hasn't been touched by man in Korea in 50 years. They have found over 2900 types of plants/wildlife. One of the odd creatures is known as the vampire deer. Instead of antlers, they grow tusks in front of their mouths, which they use to root around on the ground. Also, they are almost completely blind. They can not see clearly past five feet. So these animals tend to run at you to see you better.

We have found 4 tunnels so far, we are going to tunnel 3 which is 73 feet under ground. These tunnels are 2 meters wide and narrower at some points. It really sucks for tall people as well because the tunnels are low in height. The way that the tunnels were found was...

The South Koreans heard noises under the ground. They then filled up the area with water to study it and the water drained out. Therefore they began to dig. When they dug, they found the first tunnel. This tunnel was found in 1974, it was 2 km from the DMZ. It is believed that there are still more tunnels.

We walked down 358 meters at an angle to get into the third tunnel. The walk down/ up is very steep.

OMG...are we there yet? So...we finally made it into the tunnel. Now we are ducking the low ceilings. I have been hunched over for quite some time now.

To build the tunnels they used dynamite sticks evenly spaced out, so the roof is very jagged. We reached the other end of the tunnel. At the end, there is a locked metal door with a gun hole for shooting. Ok...time to head back up.

Fucking shit hole...I just power walked the whole way up. Talk about an effen' work out. I am now sweating my ass off and my legs are pissed. Regardless, it was an awesome work out. I must say that when I reached the world again, that first step on level ground was amazing.

Thinking back on what I just said...I would like to clarify that my legs were pissed as in mad...I did not walk so fast that I pee'd all over my legs.

Ooooh, video...

North Korea invaded South Korea in 1950. The war lasted 3 yrs and 1 month. Then a cease fire treaty agreement was created.

The DMZ is undergoing a new development for the preservation.

Just finished lunch, I had bulgolgi again. It was good but I think what I ate the other night was better because of the sauce that was used. Alright, now a pit stop and then to the observation platform.

So, we are almost to the platform and the woman told us that we can only take photos on the platform, not from within the building. Also, while on the platform, we can only take photos from behind the line...not in front of it.

On the North side of the border, there are roughly 35,000 laborers employed. These workers make clothing, shoes, watches, and small electronics. These items are then imported into South Korea and sold in the markets. These workers only get a salary of about five dollars.

In North Korea there are around 200 statues of their leader. They believe that Kim Sung Chun (or whatever his name is) is the greatest leader of all time.

Holy shit, I am standing in South Korea...watching it snow in North Korea.'s coming this way. Gotta get out of here.

So, I attempted to take a photo from behind the line but it is too far from the wall on the edge of the mountain. I held the camera up but I was a no-go at this station. I did get some good photos of the bell on the mountain. I am glad that I got to see this because I have seen many souvenirs of this bell and now...I know where it is.

So, my adventure has come to an end...we are back on the bus heading to Seoul. It was an interesting day.


All in all...the Koreans in the North and the South struggle for power! It is all about being better. That is why they keep things the same. Such as the flag sizes, building heights...blah blah blah. By doing this it leaves no margin for one side to come up with a reason to get pissed.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Joys Of Hypocrisy

Some of you may have witnessed my short lived rant about hypocrisy in yesterday’s post. In that post, I attacked my fellow Republicans for wishing for more troops, and then getting upset when President Obama announced exactly that. Today, I am going to include a few more examples of hypocrisy from both the left and the right side of the aisle.

The Right:

1) There are some talk show hosts, and media members on the right, that called Obama’s speech at the military academy, a publicity ploy. Before he spoke, they said that the only reason he was doing it there was for publicity, and that it was nothing more then a cheap stunt. Those same people are now calling out Chris Matthews for saying that the military academy was “the enemy camp” and saying that Obama had every right to speak there.

Don’t get me wrong, I am utterly disgusted that anyone, let alone a member of the media, would mention “enemy camp” while talking about a military academy. These are men and women who are prepared to die for their country. Regardless of how you are trying to phrase it, you should never call the men and women who protect your freedoms, “the enemy”.

2) These same talk show hosts, from the political right, are making light of the fact that before Obama’s speech, the Commandant of the Academy reminded the students how to greet the President, and warned them against acting out. I am sure that this was part of a general speech divulging that the President was coming, and was not a specific warning. I can guarantee, that although the talk show host would say otherwise, the very same speech was given when Bush was going to be speaking.

I guess what irks me the most about this part is that these talk show hosts are clearly showing their lack of information about the military and how it works. Every time I was involved in a briefing that involved anything higher than an O-5, I was given a review of how to act. I have been presented awards by, inspected by, and had breakfast with many officers during my military career. Just because I was reminded how to act, did not mean I did not already know how to act. To make light of this situation insinuates that our military members needed to be reminded how to act when their Commander in Chief was present. Frankly, that is a slap in the face. Our men and women in the service are apparently much more professional then some would give them credit for.

The Left (Don’t think you’re getting off that easy)

1) When President Bush was in office, there were many on the left that would poke fun at his military record. They called him a draft dodger, said his daddy called in favor’s for him, and even made fun of the fact that he served in the Reserves, and not Active Duty. You will notice that these same people, elected someone with absolutely no military experience and he is tasked with making decisions about our military.

2) When it comes to crime and punishment, the political left is the dictionary definition of hypocrisy. Honestly, it is disgusting the way they manipulate the justice system to do what they want with it. As most of us know now, they are going to put the 9/11 conspirators on trial in New York City. The reasoning behind this is that we need to show the world that if you break the laws, you will be tried, and you will be punished. Really?

Maybe someone should tell that to the gentleman who was beat up by two members of the SEIU, simply because he was selling Don’t Tread on Me flags at a tea party rally. I’m sure you’re thinking, many witnesses, probably cameras, that’s an open and shut case. Well, you’d be wrong. In a symbolic kick to the nuts, the DA’s office has decided to charge these two men with a civil disobedience charge, instead of a Felony Assault charge.

Don’t get me started on the fact that he was a black man, and Jesse Jackson’s race-baiting ass isn’t anywhere to be seen. (Note: I am not a racist. I hate it when the Race card is played, and I despise Jesse Jackson, but if you are going to do something, at least be equal about it, otherwise, you look like an idiot. )

Maybe you should also mention it to the voters who were intimidated by the New Black Panther Party. Some of you may have heard of this story. Basically, two black men, claiming to be members of the “New Black Panther Party” stood outside a polling station with clubs, and basically attempted to intimidate anyone who walked into the polling place. These men were charged with Voter Intimidation, which is a serious crime, and thanks to the left’s new buddy Eric Holder, the charges were dropped.

Better yet, how about we take a look into ACORN, and their illegal activities. You know, the company that was giving advice to two actors about how to set up an illegal child prostitution ring? How to use Government money, the money we pay in taxes, to set up a house to operate a brothel out of. These people even educated them on how to hide the earnings, and how to claim some of them to still be legit. Some of you are starting to scream at the monitor, or your Kindle, and say, but Bunny, they cut off all funding to ACORN. It was an effort by both sides of the political spectrum. As much as I would love for that to be right, there are already lawmakers trying to funnel money back to ACORN.

3) This one is more of a personal experience, but it highlights my point and it is what made me want to write this piece. A girl I used to know in the military recently hurt her knee. She was complaining that the military doctors would only give her pain meds, and wouldn’t MRI it. She was upset that she would have to wait two weeks, and then if there was still pain, they would look at it more, and consider surgery. She ended it with WTF?!?!?!? My response to her was, “Thank goodness for government run health care. Good thing you get to leave that behind with the military, right? Oh wait… There’s that whole Universal Health Care thing…. Ooops.” Instead of maybe admit that I had a point, and that she hadn’t considered that (She happens to be a Democrat, and voted for Obama) her response was, “I actually think that private insurance would put up more of a fight with denying pre-authorizations and stuff. Just found out that a MRI costs over $1500, which actually is very costly. On a side note, pain killers make me happy.”

For starters, that flip-flop was so fast I almost got whiplash. And 2, I recently had a baby with my wife, and during her pregnancy, she had to go to the ER. She had an ultrasound done, in the ER, and we didn’t pay a penny for it. I, of course, have private insurance, and they never said a word about it.

The point of all of this is this: If you are going to pick a side, stick with that side. It is stupid, and makes you look ignorant, if you flip flop your position, simply because you can not admit you are wrong. Having said that, it is time for me to eat a little humble pie. I mentioned yesterday that the only thing I disagreed with on Obama’s strategy was waiting so long to make a decision. According to reports I have heard, none of the plans presented by the Generals on the ground involved troops going into country before the 1st of the year anyway. So I am retracting that comment based on new information.

One last thing before I go, and this is a little off topic. Don’t we want a President who gives a speech that includes the words “win” or “victory”. If you were given a pep talk by your coach before a game, don’t you want to hear “win” and “victory”? I am sure that even the coach of the New Jersey Nets, who are 0-18, still tells them they can “win” and to strive for “victory”. President Obama didn’t use either of those words in his speech. I’m glad he’s devoting the manpower to the war, but are we even focusing on winning anymore? I don’t think there should be any other goal on our minds, but victory.

- Bunny

Bay of Pigs, Anyone?

Ok, so maybe this isn’t exactly like the Bay of Pigs fiasco in 1961, but didn’t we just let the terrorists know our endgame? Last night, on national television, Barack Obama announced that we will be sending 30,000 troops to Afghanistan and will be starting a withdrawal in 18 months.

For those of you unfamiliar with it, the Bay of Pigs was a failed attempt to liberate Cuba during John F. Kennedy’s term as President of the United States. The CIA trained some Cuban exiles and was going to help them invade Cuba and overthrow the regime of Fidel Castro. Due to numerous intelligence leaks, the Cuban’s knew that the attack was going to take place. When the exiles tried to invade Cuba, they were slaughtered. Some estimates place the number of exiles captured at 1,100. While not an incredibly large number, only 1,500 took part in the invasion.

What does that have to do with our strategy in Afghanistan? Put simply, President Obama just told the terrorists how long they have to wait. No country should ever go into a war with a set date for a pull out. Nobody enjoys war, but if there is one thing that must be done right, no matter what the cost, it is ensuring the freedoms and safety of this great nation.

Only time will tell his decision to announce an end date will work. All we can do now is hope that the Afghani’s will take responsibility for their country. I hope the decisions he has made are the correct ones, because if we fail at this, we will never recover.

Before I finish, I would like to discuss one more thing. I am a Republican to the core. Anyone who knows me. knows this. However, there are some things that Republicans are doing that are really pissing me off. I listen to a lot of talk radio, due to the hour long drive to and from work. I hear non-stop these Republicans, bashing on Obama, for things that they WANTED HIM TO DO. The biggest one I have noticed is his decision to send 30,000 troops to Afghanistan. When General McChrystal wanted 40,000 troops, every Republican stood up and said Obama needed to listen to his Generals on the ground. Now that he has made the decision to send them, the Republicans are still finding fault with it. Don’t get me wrong, I think this decision could have been made much sooner, however, I still think it was the correct decision, and I am willing to admit it.

For any liberals out there reading this, don’t be thinking I’m going soft. We(the Republicans) are still much cooler then you, and we would totally destroy you at Dodgeball, any day of the week.

I think it is important if we all take a dose of humble pie every once in a while. Granted President Obama has done a lot of things I disapprove of, at least he has done one that I agree with. And being a man, I can admit that.


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Why Can't We Be Friends?

Some of you may be wondering why I brought Fluffy in to help write entries. Is it to fill up more space and post more frequently? Nope. Is it cuz the Yankees were on the verge on beating the Phillies and I wanted his feelings on record during this tumoltuous time in our friendship? Close, but not quite. You see folks, the real reason is because he brings a different viewpoint to the table. Where I am quick to lash out and make rash judgements, he is more likely to compare pros and cons, validate the reasonings, and form a more secure opinion based on research, not just his heart.

I am thankful to have that voice of reason at times like this. As you all have read, this blog has become filled with hate speech. There are those that bash Fluffy and I because of what we believe in, and then there are my responses. Although I believe the first shot was when I was called a woman-hater, I am considering this battle finished. I am sure that the other side will take some solace in this cease fire. They will claim victory, and may even trash me in others forums. I am ok with this.

Fluffy reminded me today that starting an internet war is not what this blog is about. It was started after the Philly Taco story, and once I started answering my critics, it turned into something I am not proud of. Therefore, from here on out, Fluffy and I will not answer our critics. Write what you want, its cool. We won't respond. With that being said, if you wish to retort, I will still accept emails to
and I will still paste the VERBATIM.

I hope that for those readers out there that have not enjoyed these petty fights, that you will stick with us and let this become something greater then that. I thank every person reading this for their support. I hope that in the future, we will bring a smile to your face, or a tear to your eye.

- Bunny

Monday, November 30, 2009

To Be Sent To My Wife Upon My Death

There are some in this country that would choose to pass judgment on our military members. They would call them murderers, war-mongers, or any number of hateful things. For those of you who choose this path, I would request two things from you before you pass judgment. The first, and the easiest would be to write a letter to a military member's family explaining that they won't be coming home. Although this is not an easy task, it is much easier then the next. I would then ask you to write an "In case of my death" letter to your own family.

What is an "In case of my death" letter you ask? Put simply, it is your last chance to say goodbye to your family, if you are unable to return from war. Generally, the letter is given to a fellow military member with instructions to mail, or hand deliver the letter, should anything happen to you. Although not everyone has a letter like this, many military members do. It is the hardest thing to write because nothing you say can take away the hurt that is caused by your death.

I am currently in the process of preparing to go overseas for a year. Although I will see my family a couple times, I will not officially be home until Christmas time of 2010. The following is my "In case of my death" letter to my family.

Note: Due to the sensitive nature of this subject, I will not be allowing negative comments on this post. Call it censorship, call it communism, I don't care. This is my letter, to my family, and I will not let it turn into someone's political grandstanding. Also, the goal of this is not to make anyone feel sorry for me. I have made my choices, and I have been blessed with a wife who has chosen to stick with me through whatever comes our way. We(the military members) don't want your pity, or your sympathy. All we ask is that you don't pass judgment on us because you disagree with what we do.

Without further ado.....

The Wife,

If you are reading this, then my time has come. As much as I wish I could, I will not be returning home this time. I know that I told you I would return home to you as soon as I could, but unfortunately, I won't be able to. I know that you are going to be angry. It is to be expected, and I wouldn't want anything else. However, please don't let that anger consume you. You are an amazing person, and when that anger passes, there are a few things I want you to know.

I could not have asked for a better wife. You have been my rock through some of the hardest times of my life. You have been my confidant, my soul mate, and my best friend. You have given me two beautiful boys, and have given me the happiest 4+ years of my life. There has not been a day that has gone by that I haven't missed your touch. Throughout everything we have been through, there was always one person I could lean on, You. You are, without a doubt, the one thing that has kept me going when I felt like quitting.

As the days come and go, the reality of my passing is going to sink in. All I ask is that you remember to stay strong for the boys. They need you now more then ever. As they grow up into young men, I know you will raise them to be respectful, humble, and responsible. I only ask that you never let them forget me. When they become old enough, and start asking the Why's, I want you to tell them that Daddy believed in what he was doing. I know this answer will not bring closure, nor relief from the pain, but it is all I can offer up.

Finally, I know there will come a time when you may meet someone else. As hard as this is for me to write, I want you to move on. Obviously not right away, but I believe that you will know when the time is right. I don't ever want you to feel like you have something to prove to me. You have devoted 4 years to me and the boys, and if I am unable to return and spend the rest of my life with you, I want you to be with someone who can. I know that moving on is the furthest thing from your mind right now, but know that when the time comes, I expect you to do what your heart tells you to.

Although I am devastated that I can not return home to you and the boys, I hope you know that I die a happy man. These 4 years that we have spent together are more then most people get. The love that we shared was a picture of perfection. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be lucky enough to experience the sheer tranquility and happiness that you brought into my life.

I will see you again and my love for you will not falter,

I will always love you
Your Husband,
Bruce (Bunny)

Ah, the Joy of Censorship

Welcome to another rant, courtesy of me. If you have a problem with language, hippie bashing, or pretty much get offended easily, you might wanna turn away now.

When I started this blog, I thought it's be fun to get some readers, interract, and generally have a good time with it. I started plugging it on the Amazon forum's, and I'll admit, I got out of hand. I was commenting on things that had nothing at all to do with it. After some poking and prodding, I realized the errors of my way and stopped posting on each thread I saw. Instead, I started signing my posts(that were relevant to the topic) as Bunny and then a link to the site. Even this wasn't fucking good enough for the ass holes on the forum.(Note: I am not calling everyone on the forum an ass hole. I am mainly referring to Vicky and Dan)

Due to what I'm assuming was someone being a little pussy bitch and complaining to Amazon, I received an email from them saying that I was spamming the forum. I won't bore you with the semantics of the email, but it basically said stop, or your posting privileges will be taken away. I responded as such:

1) I admit I was spamming before, I apologized and have stopped.
2) I only put the link to my blog in my signature block, and don't mention it any other way, except in appropriate threads. This is something employed by Bufo Calvin with his Author's Page and by another blogger for her page.
3) I created one thread about my blog(as did Red Adept for her book review blog.)

They responded as follows:

Signature blocks can't contain links. Only web addresses. And then those addresses can not be to an item for sale. Only to a fucking Author's Page, which LISTS the fucking books for sale by that person!

Although they only addressed one of my issues, they took it upon themselves to delete every single entry I had made. Including the thread I had started. However, Red Adept's thread is still up.

Now don't get me wrong, this is Amazon's site, they can edit the threads as they see fit. However, I am taking issue with the whiny fucking pussy asshole Dan T. Consider your bitch ass called out. Time to face the music you fucking crybaby.

1) You fucking blatantly lied in your review of my blog. When I responded with facts, you cried about me bashing women(because you're a bitch) and refused to admit that you were wrong.
2) You are a fucking bitch. You are offended by the fact that I asked women to show me their tits while drinking with friends. The fucking women that I asked thought it was hilarious, but your pansy ass finds it offensive. Then there is the fact that you got offended by me saying women "used to put out". My own wife thought that was funny but you're oversensitive douche bag self got offended by it. GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF!!!
3) Why do you feel the need to cry like a fucking girl everytime I post on the thread. If you don't like it, ignore it and move the fuck on with your pathetic excuse for a life. I understand that your parents hate you, and that you are looking for attention by picking fights with people that think differently then you. I get that. But you're picking a fight with the wrong fucking person.

From here on out, every person who tries to bitch about some trivial shit that I have done, is going to get called out. That's the beauty of this blog. I get to write whatever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want.

So do it again. Narc to Amazon that I included a link to my blog in a post. Throw your stupid ass, "moderate conservative"(I'm calling bullshit on that) opinions in on a thread. Every fucking time you speak out against me, I will call you out. I will let every reader I have know how much of a pussy you are.

For anyone who reads this know that I have given Dan a chance to respond. He is afraid. He writes a review on my blog, and then when he gets called out, he fades into oblivion.

If you didn't like this entry, don't worry, not every one will be like this. However, I am tired of being told that I am different from any other blogger, simply because I (along with Fluffy) are willing to touch those subjects that aren't popular. If you like the blog, a review on Amazon wouldn't hurt. If you hate it, then stop reading, find something else, and move on.

- Bunny

Saturday, November 28, 2009


So Fluffy and I stopped by a gas station this morning before beginning a road trip today. We walk into the gas station and after acquiring delicious beverages walk to the front to check out.

Along the way, we see some Bagelfuls filled with Philadelphia Cream Cheese. Fluffy starts in on "Oh, Philadelphia fucking cream cheese. If it were New York cream cheese, it would have steroids in it."

Of course I reply with the standard, "If it were New York City cream cheese, it would blow your fucking mind. All Philly cream cheese knows how to do is lose the World Series!"

At this point, the ugly troll behind the counter decides to inject himself into our conversation. He starts by asking, "when was the last time Philly won a World Series?" After being presented with the all to obvious truth of one year ago, he says, "I mean BEFORE that." He then admits that Philly gave the Yankees a run for their money(which I've already conceeded). He then drops this nugget of ignorant garbage, "I still can't believe Poo-holes(that's the phonetic spelling courtesy of won the NL MVP."

For those of you not interested in sports, Pujols dominated this year. Yes, Fluffy accuses him of doing steroids, but 1) there is no evidence of that and 2) he's just upset that he's so good. He deserved it and anyone who thinks differently should consider the fact that he's only the 6th person ever to be unanimously selected as the NL MVP.

See, this blog can be informative AND fun.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Unknown Soldier

Dear Eric Barnes:

You don't know who I am, but I've heard a lot about you. I know that, like me, you made the decision to volunteer your service to the United States. I know that, like me, you enlisted in the Air Force with dreams of serving your country and leading a fulfilling military career. And I know that, unlike me, you sacrificed something that most of us deem unimaginable: your life.

I never had the pleasure of meeting you before you left us. I was never a part of the stories I've heard about your adventures with B. Our paths never crossed before we both left active duty. Yet now, somehow, I feel as if we could've been friends all along.

I met your family for the first time last night, Eric. And although you'll never see it, rest assured knowing that their home has become an unequalable shrine to your memory. Your pictures are everywhere; your medals and accolades bring to life the walls on which they hang. But the thing I feel moved me the most was a small sign hanging above the couch in your living room, one that read, "if love could've saved you, you would've lived forever."

Today is Thanksgiving, and as I spend the day with Bruce and his family, I can't help but feel sorrow knowing that there is an empty seat at your family's table that you will never fill again. Across the country, as many go around the table naming things for which they are thankful: their families, their health, their good fortune...I'm thankful that people like you exist, Eric, people who have laid down their lives so that we may be here with the ones we love. Those who go after us will thank us for the sacrifices we have made, but none more important than yours.

In the end, as is written on the license plate on your truck, one which you've never seen before, "RIP EMB." You're dearly missed. Even by those who've never even met you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go pull myself together..

Sincerely and respectfully,
Andrew Cairns

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

If you don't like it, fuck you

I recently read today that some Navy SEALs who captured a terrorist are going to be court-martialed. Not just any terrorist either, but some douchey asshole who decided that after killing 4 Blackwater USA employees who were NOT combat soldiers, that they would burn their bodies, drag them through town, and then hang them up so the media could take all the pictures they want.

And what did these Navy fucking SEALs do to this suspect? Apparently, he received a bloody lip while he was in someone's custody. Frankly, all of this shit is alleged, and if it weren't for the fucking hippie, tree hugging, douche bag left wing suck-bags, then we wouldn't even be having this discussion. But we are. So know this, I will never be a SEAL. Frankly, I don't have what it takes. But these guys did. And they followed every single order given to them. Did this ass fucking douche-nuts get a bloody nose? Maybe. But did he organize the total desecration of 4 bodies? Yes. So was the bloody nose warranted? Honestly, this shouldn't be a fucking question. Should we destroy their careers over a possibility that they might have touched a terrorist while trying to fucking detain him? Fuck NO!!!

And if you disagree with me, fuck you, and stop hating America.

- Bunny

Enjoy the weekend

So today, I thought I would take a step back from my normal writings, and make this blog a little funnier. I received a criticism by Dan T. saying that my blog was not what he would call funny. So here goes. Enjoy.

A chicken and an egg are sitting at a bar. A drunk walks up to them and says, “So which one of you came first?” The chicken looks at the egg, back at the drunk and says, “Your mother.”

A man and a giraffe are at a bar drinking. The giraffe gets so drunk he passes out. Shortly thereafter, the man gets up to leave. The bartender says to him, “hey, you can’t leave that lyin there.” To which the man replies, “That’s not a lion stupid, it’s a giraffe.”

A ham sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says, “sorry, but we don’t serve food here.”

What did one manbearpig say to the other manbearpig? GWOAN!!!!!(Most of you probably don’t get this, but for those of you that do, I hope you enjoyed the manbearpig name drop.)

Al Gore is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to the child and says, "What's in the box, kid?" The little boy says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens." Al Gore laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?" "Democrats," the child says. "Oh, that's cute," Al Gore says and he runs off. A couple of days later, Al Gore is running with his buddy Bill Clinton and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead. Al says to Bill, "You gotta check this out," and they both jog over to the boy with the box. Al says, "Look in the box Bill, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey, kid, tell my friend Bill what kind of kittens they are." The boy replies, "They're Republicans.” "Whoa!" Al says, "I came by here the other day and you said they were Democrats. What's up?" "Well," the kid says, "Their eyes are open now."

A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..." The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch.He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."

A koala walks into a bar one night, slams his paw down on the table, and orders a drink. When he's done, slam goes his paw again for more. This goes on for about half an hour, and just when he was going to do it again, the barkeep told him if he was looking for a good time, there was some one in the back room who could help him, the koala decides why not and goes into the back room. There he meets a prostitute who is waiting for him. That night he has the best sex he has ever had. After the prostitute turns to the koala and says, "How about my money," the koala looked confused and the prostitute brought out a dictionary and it said...PROSTITUTE: Has sex for money.So in response the koala turn to the definition for the koala and it says. KOALA: Eats bush and leaves.

I hope you enjoyed the jokes, and have a Happy Thanksgiving. Before I leave though, I would like to showcase the anonymous comments of what I am assuming is a fan of our writings. I am sure that no matter what I say, someone is going to try to say I wrote this in response to Vicky’s writings, but I did not. With that being said, it makes some accusations in the comments. By reposting this, I am in no way validating these accusations. I do not know if they are correct or not, so don’t try and bring this back on me. Also, it is very vulgar, so if you get offended, don’t read, and blah blah blah blah blah. Enjoy.

“Sounds like that Vicky bitch. God what a cunt she is. Fucking whining, lying, hypocritical hippie Frog skank...go back to France, Vicky where you can lounge around with the rest of those pansie asses over there.

By the way, Vicky, so nice to hear you call someone a woman hater and all other sorts of names when you ran a fucking escort ring...taking money from girls who have sex with strangers. And you have the audacity to say anything to a guy who called one girl a cunt? Whoops! Did your glass house just break with all that stone throwing?”

- Bunny

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Misogyny? Or Just Another Excuse To Bitch?

“Sexism isn't the same as misogyny, you stupid bitch” – Tucker Max

Misogyny - hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women –

As of late, on the Amazon Forum, I have been accused of being a misogynist, a woman hater, and a female-basher. Fluffy has been called a racist and a homophobe. Lets discuss (level-headedly) the reasons we are called this, the people that call us this, and then I am going to freak the fuck out and go ape shit on these people. So for those of you that do not wish to be offended by my rant, feel free to read the first couple paragraphs, and I will warn you before I go crazy.

Misogyny, woman hating and female bashing.

All things I have been accused of. All essentially the same thing. All completely incorrect. There are two main perpetrators of this ignorance and falsifications. Their names on Amazon are Dan T. and Vicky Gallas. Some of the quotes that they have used to try and prove y woman hating ways are as follows:

"The rest of the evening consists of Fluffy, Captain Iran and I discussing our bowel movements with The Democrat's grandmother, and asking every chick for the rest of the night to show us her tits because we completed the South Street Challenge"

"Women USED to put out to their husbands"

“The Cunt. aka Slut Whore”

These quotes were all uttered by me, and all of them were uttered for comedic effect except one. However, I am going to justify each one.

Asking women to show us their tits: The women at the bar thought that we were hilarious. They enjoyed it, and laughed with us all night long. If they would have been offended, we would have apologized immediately and stopped.

Women USED to put out to their husband: Obviously some women still do. Obviously mine does or else I wouldn’t have two kids. Adding that in might have given a few people some laughs, so I did it. Get over it, it is not misogynist, it is funny. And if you don’t think it’s funny, that doesn’t make it sexist, or woman hating either.

The Cunt comment. Here it is. The big kahuna. Because I used the word CUNT to describe ONE woman, ONE time in my life, I am a misogynist. Because one woman did something so bad that it warranted being called a Cunt/Slut Whore, I have been labeled as a woman basher and a woman hater, etc. This is an ignorant claim made by people who dislike the fact that I am willing to state how I feel.

Just because you disagree with what someone says, does not give you the right to place labels on that person. Fluffy wrote an article about the double standard of the racial issue. The article was thought out, well written, and supported with accurate facts. Yet the first comment on the article is that he is a racist and hates gays as well. Why? Because he wasn’t afraid to speak his mind.

If you think I am a woman hater, female basher, or misogynist, consider the fact that my wife reads every single blog I have posted. She thinks the funny ones are funny, and has enjoyed the rest. I have never once gotten out of line with my wife, and I certainly don’t use these words to describe my wife. My wife has never once had a single problem with me, or what I say or do.

Attention: If you are going to read past this point, prepare to be offended. It is going to be vulgar, curse laden, and I’m sure some people will think it is misogynistic and bigoted.’

Vicky and Dan,

You are the biggest fucking pieces of horse shit on this planet. I would rather stab myself in the eye with a rusty railroad tie and then give myself an IV of Tabasco sauce versus listening to your non-sensical, short minded, whiny bullshit.

Vicky, Just because you claim to be everything I am against, does not give you the right to make up some stupid fucking reasons to bash myself and fluffy. I do not hate women, but I hate people like you. Yes, you are a woman, a liberal, a hippie, and may have lived in France. Normally, I might laugh at your expense, and move on. But you have brought this on yourself. There is a reason that most patriotic Americans fucking despise you. I don’t hate you because you lived in France, or hail from the left side of the political aisle. I hate you because you are a spineless piece of fucking garbage. I gave you every fucking chance to comment. Until I get my Kindle back, I can not be certain that your comments that you posted on the website have posted, but I gave you every chance to comment via an email. You can go to and set up a free account called and email it to me. I don’t give a bakers fuck what you do. Don’t you dare fucking accuse me of trying to censor you. Email me your comments, and I will post them. If not, quit your fucking whining, you little bitch.

To anyone else who thinks we are racists, or misogynists, or bigots. Fuck you. You don’t fucking know us. Am I offensive? Yes. Do I care what you think of my writings? No. What fucking grinds my gears is when you assault my fucking character. You have never met either of us. You don’t know what makes us tick. If you have a problem with our blog, then comment on it. Either on the site, or through an email. Otherwise, shut the fuck up and keep your fucking assumptions to yourself.

I am sorry if this has offended anyone. I have been stewing on this all day and it has been pissing me off. I don’t care if you like what I write or not. And if you hate me, and want to keep that shit to yourself, then fine. But the moment you start making assumptions about who Fluffy or I are as a person, I am going to call you out and I will probably freak the fuck out again.

- Bunny

Military Tribunals vs. Civilian Court

You know what grinds my gears? Other then the pussies that do nothing but talk shit until you give them a chance to respond, and then they DON’T comment? Seriously, some people just look for any chance to bitch. But, in addition to that, the Obama administration has chosen to try the 9/11 conspirators in a civilian court. This is bullshit on so many levels, and it makes my blood boil.

  1. The most important questions is this: What the fuck are they doing still in prison? How come they have not been tried yet. Bush had 7 years to try them, and nothing. I don’t normally like to bash on Bush because I think he did a great job, but it has been way too long.
  1. If you try them in a civilian court, you will give terrorism merit. You will validate it, and the people that commit it. Terrorism is not a joke, however it is not a crime that should be tried in a civilian court either. Just like terrorists should not be allowed to be housed in a prison on U.S soil.
  1. If you allow terrorists to have a podium to speak from, you are going to hear things you don’t want to. One of these such things is the fact that the CIA has overstepped their boundaries a few times. Frankly, I am not ready to victimize those people that have given everything to keep this country safe. I know this will piss someone off, so we will discuss this further in just a minute.
  1. Other terrorists are going to realize that they can also become famous if they are captured. They will receive excellent treatment, 3 meals a day, and get their face thrown all over CNN because they will be in court every single day spouting of their Radical Islamic bullshit. Again, I know this is going to piss people off, so we will discuss this in a minute
  1. Although everyone, including in a military tribunal is considered innocent until proven guilty, by holding these trials in public, everybody who has lost someone in a terrorist attack will be forced to watch as these assholes that have no respect for American lives get to plead “Not Guilty”. That is bullshit, and our citizens should not have to watch this. Yes, you can turn off the TV, but there will be non-stop coverage. Unless you live in a cave, you will hear about it.

Torture: I do not believe water-boarding is torture. I think it should be allowed. I hate the people that run around and make victims out of the people that masterminded 9/11. I wish every single person that has ever lobbied for terrorists rights, would just up and leave this country. You are the lowest level of scum in my book. There was a story that came out where a CIA interrogator was said to have carried a cordless drill in the room, and used it to make sounds. He did not use it on the terrorist, who deserves to have hundreds of tiny holes drilled through his spineless, waste of space body. Rather he used it to scare the suspect. This of course led to some hippie crybaby filing a complaint. To those lawyers who are the counsel appointed to a terrorist, I have no qualms with you. Everybody deserves a fair trial. However, in this case, it is a military tribunal that they deserve. To the public defenders, if there are any, I hope that you do your job to the best of your abilities. On that same note, if you find some technicality to get your client off, then you too should kill yourself. I know it sounds rough, and there’s not a lot of room for error, but it’s the honest opinion of many.

Finally, I do not hate Muslims. I do not hate practicers of Islam. What pisses me off is these Radical fucking douche bags who use their religion to justify murdering innocent women and children. I exclude men from this category because for the most part, men are of able body and mind to serve in the military. However, do not get me wrong, there are still innocent men that have been victims of ignorant crimes committed by self-serving cry babies that represent Radical Islam. The Koran has been used and abused to serve a point. It is bullshit how perverted this religion has become in order to serve the wishes of some assholes who want nothing more then to cause pain to innocent people who have never held a weapon before in their lives. If these fuck-tards tried putting on a uniform and fighting in organized combat, they wouldn’t stand a chance. However, they don’t. They use the mentally ill, and children to carry suicide vests so that they don’t get hurt. The men who condone this are the biggest pansies of all. Osama bin Laden talks a huge game when he hides for 365 days of the year. If it were anyone else, they would be a pussy. But it is not. It is the person who caused the single most disastrous event that has ever happened on American Soil.

If you couldn’t tell from my rant, I hate terrorists. I don’t respect them as people, or as opponents in a war. They are not even worthy of being acknowledged. But know this, if we try them as civilians, they become famous, and they get validated. It is wrong, it is immoral, and frankly, it is the dumbest thing we can do. We may get a minor victory when they are found guilty, but they receive a greater victory when we give merit to their crimes.

- Bunny

I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It

That’s right motherfuckers, a three way fucking kiss!!! And I had the only penis of the three, therefore making it awesome, and not gay. But maybe I am getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning.

The Wife hadn’t seen Texas Rose in almost 3 years when General Eikenberry decides to fly her(Tex) to NY to be reunited with The Wife. So this whole weekend The Wife and Tex have been catching up. Fri was a fun day, but not overly exciting. On Sat, we decide to check out Niagara Falls, and after returning, decide that we are going to go out to a club. We’ll call this club Leather(although that’s not the correct name, its close.). We hang out at our house for a few, and then General Eikenberry and Tex(She was staying with him due to the extra rooms) leave so they can get ready and also allow myself and The Wife some smashing(i.e fucking) time. After a pretty solid smashing, we get ready and head over.

The Wife and Tex have already drank a glass of wine and 2 Smirnoff’s a piece, so the night is starting off well. When we arrive at Eikenberry’s house, the girls and Eikenberry start drinking. I, being the D.D, sit down and start watching some football. The girls start to get ready while still drinking, and begin to get very “friendly” with each other. Tex is already showing signs of the alcohol in her system, and is completely disregarding the social norms known as personal space. Somehow the subject turns to the fact that The Wife has made out with girls before, but that Tex has not.

These conversations go back and forth for a while until we decide its time to go. We pile into Eikenberry’s vehicle and before we even leave the driveway, The Wife and Tex have their first kiss.

A little side note before I continue, after the entire nights events, although Tex and The Wife make out multiple times, I do not believe that either is Lesbian, or even Bisexual for that matter. Both were severely intoxicated, and although they were having a lot of fun together, I do not think either of them is prepared to go any further then making out.

Continuing on, after the first kiss, I start driving into the city to the club. Along the way, Tex starts to show just how drunk she is by repeating herself multiple times. At some point, the question comes out about “How do lesbians have sex?” I proceed to do my best to answer the question is words that these two will comprehend in their inebriated state. I say, “You eat her, she eats you, and you use toys to do the rest.” Both of the ladies begin to argue that they wouldn’t have fun without a penis in the mix. I then ask them if either of them have ever gotten off without penetration. They both concede that a lesbian relationship is definitely possible, but both vehemently deny that it is in the cards for them.

As we get into the city, about 10 minutes out from the bar, The Wife says she has to pee. She just peed before we left the house, so I’m hoping she can make it the final 10 minutes. Tex starts getting mad at me for not pulling off the road to the imaginary port-o-john. I tell her that she is an idiot, and that I am not sending my wife out to pee on the side of the highway. We get one block away, and The Wife is almost in tears, so I pull over to a restaurant. I tell them to go in there, I’ll park the car, and we’ll meet at the club. The restaurant is on the passenger side, away from traffic, but so is Tex. The Wife almost shoves her out of the car trying to get out to use the bathroom. Eikenberry decides to stay with them since they are both incapable of a sober thought. I drive off and park the car about 6 blocks away from the bar.

As I get up to the bar, I am greeted with two sights. They both pretty much set the tone for the night:

1) Some coked out broad was kicked out of the club. Its not even midnight, and she has been thrown out. Apparently when they kicked her out, she tried staying close to the building, but they wouldn’t let her, so she walks between two cars parked on the side of the road and asks multiple times if this is far enough. The bouncer is ignoring her, so she keeps shouting and asking. She reaches in to her purse looking for cigarettes and a prescription bottle falls out causing laughter from everyone in line.

2) Tex is wearing a cops hat and practically molesting him. I see this as I walk up and can only chuckle. Then she starts screaming that The Wife is “her bitch.” She tells the cops, the people in line with us, and I’m pretty sure she was talking to the mailbox and called it an asshole for not acknowledging her. We get in line and finally get inside.

Once inside, Eikenberry gets some drinks for the girls, and we hit the dance floor. For those of you that haven’t read the Midget Wrestling story, Bunny doesn’t dance. It is a physical act that my body is incapable of committing. So I’m dancing with The Wife while Tex molests her. Tex and The Wife make out a few more times, and Tex gets progressively drunker.

The climax of the night came when Tex fell over into the side of a trash can. No one is quite sure why she fell, or what caused her too, but anyone in the vicinity knew that she did. After being picked up, Tex spends the next 30 minutes telling Eikenberry, The Wife, and myself(all of us having watched her fall already) about how she fell into the trash can and how it was embarrassing. She is recounting the story as if she were scoring the winning touchdown for High School State Championships. The kicker comes when she tries to reenact is in slow motion. This of course involves her ending up on the ground yet again. At this point, I tell Eikenberry that she can’t have any more alcohol.

He agrees and we hang out a little longer. Around 1:30, Tex passes out on Eikenberry’s shoulder while dancing. We decide that its time to pack it in and call it a night. We get out of the bar, and I tell them to meet me on the corner and I’ll go get the vehicle. I go get the vehicle, and see that they are towing other peoples cars on the same side as where I parked. When I parked the car, I crossed the street, and then looked at the sign, it said “No Parking” and then listed times. The most relevant time was 7PM Friday to 6 AM Saturday. So I can’t understand why they are towing vehicles. Then I see a sign on the side that I am parked that says, “No Parking.” Followed by 7PM Sat to 6AM Sun. My first thought is that if I got Eikenberry’s vehicle towed, he is going to shit a brick. Thankfully, they have not made it to his vehicle yet. I make a preliminary check for “boots” on the tires and tickets. By some form of luck, there is neither on the vehicle.

Thanking my lucky stars, I drive off and start to look for them. As I am pulling up to the pre-agreed upon corner, I see The Wife cross the street followed by Eikenberry carrying Tex. Apparently this doesn’t fly with Tex who wants to cross the street by herself, so she makes Eikenberry take her back to the beginning of the crosswalk and start again. As she is crossing, cars pull up to the intersection. Eikenberry stands there with his hand out in the universal stop gesture and shouts “Road Guards Post.”

After shoving them in the vehicle and child locking the door so Tex can’t open it, we start to drive off. We have to drive past all of the cops and bars that we were just at. Tex asks if she can roll her window down and shout out obscenities. Being the anti-fun cock blocker that I am, I decide that I don’t want to get arrested or beaten up and tell her no. After locking the windows, I see that The Wife’s is still down, and that Tex is trying to shout out of it. I roll that up and relock the windows. We are stuck in traffic and barely moving so Tex decides it would be a good idea to lean forward and start fucking with me. She starts poking me in the face, asking why I won’t let her yell out something about whores out the window. After about 30 seconds of this, I get frustrated and tell her to “Sit the fuck back before I break your fucking finger.” Tex begins to repeat over and over again that, “I’ve never seen Bunny so upset. I made him upset.”

This continues on until we get about 15 minutes from home. The Wife decides that she has the bladder of an infant and has to use the restroom, yet again. We pull up to the first gas station and myself and General Eikenberry get out to check if they have a bathroom. Because I put the child-lock on Tex’s door, she is unable to get out, even after unlocking it. She complains about this on the entire drive to the next gas station since the first one does not have a restroom. At the second stop, she again can not get out and begins to complain again. She keeps telling us that she lifted the lock, and still can’t get out. Over, and over, and over, and over again.

At the second gas station, there are 5 cops inside getting coffee. Seeing that this is going to be a good time, I get out, accompanying the other three inside. We find out they do not have a restroom, and corral the 2 girls outside. As we are walking to the restroom, Tex starts talking about how it is bullshit that they don’t have a restroom. She says that there are 5 cops in there, they MUST have a restroom. We get back in the car and drive off as Tex rants about how she would fight the cops if they said anything about The Wife having to take a piss. Then she drops this gem on us, “It’s funny, cuz I don’t even KNOW karate, but I would tell them I do, and they’d be afraid. I mean, look at these boots, and this vest. Yeah, they’d be afraid.”

We drive about a mile down the road and pull over by some trees because The Wife is almost in tears. We all get out, and Eikenberry is the first to finish. He announces tha he is done, and Tex responds with, “I wish I had a penis.” Eikenberry, not being wasted, is pretty quick on his feet and responds with, “I’ll give you one as soon as we get home.”

The final 10 minutes of the drive were uneventful due to Tex passing out in the car. The Wife and I go inside with them and ensure that Tex is ok, before leaving.

All in all, the night was a very fun and eventful night. That being said, during the weekend there was a DUI arrest at a base I used to work at, so I have this public service announcement to make. If you are going to drink, have a safe ride home. We made every plan ahead of time to ensure we had a way home. It is simply not worth it to spend the night drinking and then try to make the trip home. Find a safe ride. There is nothing funny about driving drunk. You run the risk of hurting yourself, or others. If you wanna be stupid, fine, but don’t take others with you.

- Bunny

Monday, November 16, 2009

White America

I foresee this one being difficult to write. Let me preface it by saying that I am not a racist; I am merely opinionated. I have been places and seen things that contribute to said opinions. As a member of the United States military, it is my perception that there are no races, no black, white, red, yellow, whatever. Everyone is green, everyone is equal. The topic I am about to discuss is a sensitive one, one that tends to get me riled up, so do not be surprised if I, for the first time since being brought on, introduce the swear word into my writing.

With that out of the way, it really fucking (oops, that was quick) grinds my gears when people play the race card in every situation. This is the 21st century, people, stop bitching that you can’t get a job because the “white man” is holding you down. No, you can’t get a job because you dropped out of school, you didn’t go to college, or, more likely, you’re just not trying. You didn’t get arrested because you’re Hispanic, you got arrested because you showed your ass in public and you don’t understand that people very rarely get away with crimes anymore. Racial double standards plague this country and that is what prevents us from moving forward as a whole.

I can’t believe I’m going to admit this, but yes, I have seen the movie “Bring It On: All Or Nothing.” In it, Camille, played by Solange Knowles, refers to Britney, played by Hayden Panettiere, as “white girl,” on more than one occasion. Due to social faux pas and the inevitable political fall-out that would stem from it, Britney never once refers to Camille as, “black girl.” Perhaps someone in the audience can answer this for me: how is it okay for one party to describe another in terms of skin color, and yet be hyper-sensitive if the other party does it in return? Can you imagine what would happen if someone was called “black girl” in a film or on TV? Al Sharpton would grow 15 stories tall and start shooting laser beams from his eyes and breathing fire all over Jena, Louisiana.

Set to go to trial this week is the case of an African-American woman in Missouri, who 3 years ago cut in line at a Walmart checkout. Witnesses and police statements say that the woman shoved someone else’s merchandise off of the conveyer belt and placed hers down, just so she could join her cousin whose line was moving faster. They say she became belligerent and violent, kicking one customer and splitting another’s lip while resisting arrest. According to the accused, a white customer pushed her from behind after she cut in line, and police officers physically assaulted and racially demeaned her as she was being placed under arrest. Now, I don’t have all the facts here, nor am I a member of the community where this event took place, so it’s difficult to comment one way or another, but why would a handful of witnesses and policemen (some of which may not have been white) falsify statements simply to see a black woman be put to justice? It seems more likely that someone being arrested would lie in an attempt to get out of trouble.

In other news, The United States Supreme Court today let stand a decision made by a lower court that the Washington Redskins of the National Football League will not be responsible for changing their team name and mascot. Previously, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit ruled that the National Congress of American Indians had waited too long to file a complaint against the team; the “Redskins” trademark was issued in 1967, and the lawsuit filed in 1992. Apparently 25 years is too long to decide you want to stir up the pot and bitch about something.

This brings me to my next point: why is it okay for an ethnic group to use perceived slurs when referring to themselves, but complain when others do it to them? For example, the Union Youth Football Association, a member of the Indian Nations Football Conference, also goes by the name “Redskins.” Since they’re members of an American Indian football organization, that term is okay, but since the NFL organization isn’t, it’s not okay? I’ll leave the dreaded “n word” out of this, but suffice it to say that hypocrisy really pisses me off.

If you’re going to get upset because someone demeans you or your people, fine, but don’t turn around and call me a honkey or a cracker or a white boy and expect me to let it slide. If you want your own TV station that airs programs that you enjoy, cool, but tell Jesse Jackson not to get upset if I want one too. If you join a group that’s dedicated to the advancement of a particular ethnic group, I’m all for it, but don’t tell me I’m not allowed to join as well; after all, white is a color too, is it not?

Final thought, taken from USA Today reader TheVoiceOfReason:

“Isn't all of this "you hurt my feelings with that word" getting a little ridiculous? I have a 4 and 7 year old daughter and eight or ten times per day I have to listen to that from them. (And just how often do we hear that sickening whine from the gayers, Jessie Jackson, and Al Sharpton?)

My response to the people who walk around with their feelings on their shoulders is the same as I tell my kids: "Don't let other people control your emotions with words. The best way to get back at them is to laugh and ridicule them for using the word and then completely ignore them to show that their words have absolutely no effect on you"

We need a movement in the United States called ‘People dedicated to adults growing up’!”

- Fluffy

Thursday, November 12, 2009

An Open Letter To the Paparazzi Guy Who Got Decked By Tyson

Uh… Where to begin? Are you an IDIOT? Did you seriously get in Mike Tyson’s face and try to take his picture? While he was with his family, no less? Dude, he bit a guy's EAR off. You really want to tangle with that? What the fuck is wrong with you?

On that note, what the fuck is wrong with all you paparazzi douche bags? Climbing trees, high speed chases, airport encounters? Even the famous deserve some degree of privacy. There is no level that these fucktards won’t stoop to. Did you know that the lady that had her face ripped off by a chimpanzee had to hire an armed guard because she knew the paparazzi wanted a picture of her face?

Imagine a world without Perez I-can-call-you-a-faggot-because-I-am-a-homosexual-but-straight-people-can’t-use-that-word Hilton and TMZ(which I thought meant Teenage Mutant Zinja Turtles until Fluffy told me that I’m an idiot). Imagine if everyone lived their own lives instead of Jon and Kate Plus 8’s lives. Imagine if people stopped giving a fuck what country Brangelina’s next child was going to come from and started worrying more about what grades their own child was getting.

Are celebrities really that cool? No. The only reason they get so much attention is because this crap is shoved down our fucking throats every time we turn on the fucking TV or Radio. Frankly, I don’t give a baker’s fuck if Lindsay Lohan is on drugs again. Guess what? That’s her life, and her cross to bear. I can’t stand that chick, but at the same time, I sympathize with her because she can’t even leave a fucking voice mail without her dad going public with it. Or A-Rod. So what if the guy has a picture of himself as a centaur hanging over his bed? What’s hanging over your bed? Which is creepier, staring at yourself as a half horse-half human hybrid, or staring at a picture of your family, while you’re doing things… that adults do….in bed? Ya know… things.

Wow. So the open letter totally turned into an anti-paparazzi rant. Oh well. If you don’t like it, tough crap.

- Bunny