Monday, October 12, 2009

Why The Red Sox Are Liberals

So I was ripping on Fluffy the other day for liking the Red Sox, and I came up with this amazing connection. Red Sox are Democrats and Yankees are Republicans. Essentially, to either of us, being called French, or a Democrat is pretty much the worst thing that can happen. Case in point: Fluffy tried to call me out on a painting at WalMart that I should buy because it showed the Eiffel Tower as viewed from someone's bedroom. I turned it around on him and said, "You just want me to buy it because it's the view you used to have, WHEN YOU LIVED IN FRANCE." I think he cried for about an hour and then vowed revenge.

So, we are discussing the Red Sox/Yanks rivalry, and how Fluffy hates the Yankees because they are a better team. We're going back and forth when he brings up the clinching argument: The Yankees spend more money on their payroll then any other.

This argument always gets me riled up, but especially when it comes from a team that spends 50 MILLION dollars just to SPEAK to a player. So I thought long and hard(so to speak) and in about 10 minutes, my rebuttal was complete. This is a complete mock up of the conversation. It may or may not have gone this way, but since it was between Fluffy and myself, there is no one that can disprove it, and since it's on the internet, it must be true:

Fluffy: Dude, the Yankees spend like 1/2 a billion dollars on their payroll. Of course they are going to win. They are buying wins.

Me: 1) Thats they dumbest argument ever, Frenchy. And 2) Why do you hate Republicans?

F: Shut up dude. You're an idiot. Doesn't New York vote Democrat? And didn't Hillary Clinton, the uber-dyke of all Democrats used to be a Senator in NY?

M: No man, I'm serious. You are totally a Democrat.

F: How do you figure?

M: Let's see. You hate the Yankee's. One of your arguments is that they spend too much money. The Yankee's spend so much money because they make so much money.

F: Yeah, cuz they charge like a thousand dollars a ticket.

M: And people pay that. Therefore, the Yankees must be a Capitalist organization, and since they are prospering due to that Capitalism, you hate them. That makes you, and every other person that hates the Yankees because they spend too much money, a fucking liberal loving, Obama sympathizing, Peace prize winning, Birckenstock wearing hippie Democrat.

And that's why the Yankees are Republicans and the Red Sox are hippie douches.


  1. You forgot the most important argument of all, that one of his best friends is THE Democrat.

  2. Hummmm....Well I still like the Red Sox.

  3. You go to Walmart? Isn't that the commie Chinese store? Red-blooded indeed!

  4. Yes, WalMart. The company created by an American. An American who did whatever it took to excel. An American who said, you know what, I can sell TV's, Car tires, Food, and Guns, all in the same store. I can save people money, and bring thousands of jobs to towns around the world. You're right. Thats a commie Chinese store. That makes a whole shit ton of sense. At the same time, we have an administration that would punish those that have worked hard to earn a lot of money, by taking said money, and giving it to some douche bag who decides it is easier to suck the government dry then to try and find a job. Yes, I shop at walmart. And I don't feel bad about it at all. I save money, I get what I need, and although the stuff may be made in China, there are Americans working there. DUH!!!!