Thursday, October 15, 2009

Nick Denton's Man Crush: Tucker Max

So some of you may or may not know who Nick Denton is. He is the founder of a website and company called Gawker Media. Essentially, he is the straight version of Perez Hilton. No, seriously, I think he even has pink hair. His entire site is devoted to being a liberal douche bag hippie blogging site, that rips on all things fun and American, and promotes all things evil, and anti-American. His website is, but after 30 minutes of perusing, I was considering giving myself an IV of Tabasco Sauce and rat-poison just to end things. I would recommend that if you choose to visit the site, remove all sharp object from the immediate vicinity or you may end up slashing your wrists. But I digress....

If you want to be a Democratic, French sympathizing tool, thats cool. I may call you out on it, and rip on you for it, but by all means, be who you want to be. Nick Denton takes it one step further. His website has at least 35 articles devoted to Tucker Max. See here:

If you peruse the articles on the site, you will see that the bloggers at Gawker have an intense hate for Tucker Max. As I was reading through the posts, I decided to go back to the earliest post and try to discern what it is that Nick Denton despises so much about Tucker Max.

The first post is about the movie and asking if anyone can get a script of the movie. The second post is three scenes from the movie that someone had the script of. Let me give you a break-down of those 3 scenes:

1) Tucker is banging a deaf chick who is screaming animalistic sounds because she can't hear herself. Cops break in, think Tucker is raping her and tackle him. She says she's deaf, the sex was consensual, and then says, "I was about to CUM."

For starters, as soon as I heard the sounds, I knew what this was going to be, because Tucker has written a story about it. Pretty funny scene, nice boob shot, and then the punch line. The ENTIRE theater was laughing. Honestly, I can't think of a better way to start off this movie.

2) Tucker hits on a waitress who is enjoying his advances. She is practically sitting on his lap while talking. Tucker smacks her ass and says, "Run along baby, man talk." Bartender gets upset and asks Tucker to watch how he talks to his server. Tucker schools him, and when the bartender wants to fight, Tucker's friend steps in and convinces him its not worth it.

Again, parts of this story were taken straight out of the book(which I guess the whole movie was, but some parts were literally taken out verbatim.) The kicker is when they leave, the bartender calls after them that "I already fingered her." Again, the crowd was laughing. Pretty good stuff, and the one-liner set itself up for many weeks of usage after the movie.

3) Tucker schools some frat boy and even the guys girlfriend is laughing at him.

What is there to say about this, its funny.

I wish I could tell you what Gawker has against this movie so far, but they don't explain it. They posted those three scenes, and retreated without any sort of explanation. The next post is 3 more scenes, including the infamous poop scene. Is the poop scene vulgar, and disgusting. YES. That's what makes it so funny.

Lets look at the next blog entry and see why Gawker is so upset. AH HA. Here it is. It's about a casting call for the movie. Let's start by posting the casting call, and then we'll go through it.

JADE: A drop-dead gorgeous stripper with big boobs. She's the main event at the strip club. She tries to negotiate Tucker into the champagne room. She thinks he's cute and funny and seems to enjoy the process of flirting with him independent of the job...10 lines, 1 scene (51) AGE: 18-24 NUDITY NOT REQUIRED, but skimpy stripper attire will be worn. Only submit super-hot, gorgeous women with very large breasts (think Pamela Anderson). Will be in scene with Matt Czuchry, Jesse Bradford, and Geoff Stults, so actresses must be good enough to hold their own onscreen with them.

Well there it is. I understand now. Tucker Max wanted a "super-hot, gorgeous woman" to play the role of... wait for it... a stripper! Why would he be so subjective and demeaning and ask for an attractive woman to play the role of an attractive stripper? Waaa Waaa Fucking Waaa. Get the fuck over it. Seriously? Is this what they do all day over at Gawker? Look for shit to bash on, and then cry like little feminist pussies? Get the fuck over yourselves. If it offends women, don't play the role. If you're a guy, and you're bitching about this, re-evaluate your life.

Sorry for the rant, lets continue. The next blog is a short one. Apparently someone was overheard in New York quoting a line from the movie. Apparently, if Tucker Max has fans, that think his stuff is funny and want to repeat it, he is the worst individual on earth.

The next article is a post by his former girlfriend. It is the last one I will dissect because, frankly, I don't have as much free time as the unemployed, pajama wearin, Mac-n-cheese eatin, Nintendo 64 playin, tighty whitey wearing suckbags that blog for Gawker.

The article is one that was apparently posted on "The Bunny Blog" by Tucker's ex-girlfriend. It details a lot of shit that he did to her, and rips on him. For starters, anyone who has read his book knows that in his Acknowledgments, right at the beginning, the very first one says this:

TheBunny - For whatever issues we've had, and there have been many, no one has been more solidly in my corner. Not my parents, not my friends, not even my dogs. She is a very special person. [BTW, she is an excellent writer in her own right and I suggest you check out her site: But finish my book first.]

Clearly, Tucker has a special place in his heart for her. This dedication obviously shows that he respects her more then most other people in his life. If you read the Gawker article, you might not be able to see that. The post pulled from her website is very bad. It details a lot of shit that Tucker did to her that most women wouldn't put up with.

I think this right here is the reason that Gawker, Nick Denton, and other feminist crybabies hate Tucker Max. Tucker Max treated TheBunny like SHIT. There is no way around it. But guess what, SHE TOOK IT. If you have enough reasons to post a blog about it online, you have enough reasons to dump the sorry excuse for a man. Why do you think Tucker gets away with the shit he does? Because women allow it.

To everyone out there who does not like Tucker Max, this is what you do. IGNORE HIM. He is not that mainstream that you will be seeing him on billboards in every city. So DON'T buy his books, DON'T see his movie, and DON'T discuss him. Is it that hard? We live in America. The land of the FREE. That means you are free to purchase, or not purchase anything you want. Tucker Max is FREE to write whatever the fuck he wants.

And yes, you whiny bitch-ass bloggers at Gawker are free to rip on Tucker Max, but know that there will always be people like me who will call you out for your dumb-assery.

Sorry, I had to add this in at the end because I didn't know where to post it at. The following is a quote from one of the Gawker articles:

"It is apparent from his you tube videos that Tucker Max mistreats his cast by letting them injure themselves in their off time. One of his actresses severely bruised her leg while dancing in a bar." We have not watched said videos. Volunteers?

"Letting them injure themselves?" Thats got to be the dumbest thing I have ever read. I should start telling people around me that they aren't allowed to get hurt when I'm around. Don't be hurting yourselves people!

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